Our Relief Society lesson consisted of the leadership sharing brief testimonies about our divine identity. Each testified of a time they had felt they were a daughter of God. One sister presented her testimony on this subject so clearly and succinctly that it just rang true in my heart. Rather than using the usual words and lines used to bear testimony on this subject she gave something that was all her own. She began by talking about how she had felt her Dad had pushed her really hard when she was growing up. He always wanted to how ballet class was going and would practice with her in the backyard despite his complete lack in ballet expertise. One day in a bout of frustration she said, "I am never good enough for you! Every time I do something you just want to know what I am going to do next." Her dad then explained that she was perfectly enough for him. Instead, he was pushing her to be the best for herself. This father loved his daughter no matter what, but he wanted her to reach the fullest of her potential. So he had to push her.
This father-daughter relationship is something I can relate to very personally. My own Dad has always pushed us to not settle with any accomplishment but immediately begin planning for the next one. No paper I wrote, no dance I performed, or grade I received ever seemed to be good enough for him. The question was always, 'what's next?' I can clearly remember one conversation we had on the way to ballet years ago. Our car sat in the waiting to turn into the alley as it had a hundred times before when out of the blue (my Dad is a deep thinker, at all times of day, so out of the blue comments are fairly regular) he turned to me and said, "Well Emily, you've made the Dance Company, ballet is going great, and you've held your 4.0.What's up next? What's the next goal?" I don't remember what I said back, but I do remember feeling frustrated and under appreciated. Where was my gold star and pat on the back? Weren't the accomplishments he had listed off enough to earn me his approval? Could I ever do enough to be good enough for him?
I have since learned that I have always been enough for my Dad. He expresses his love and approval in different ways than most, but I treasure our relationship more than most. There have been countless times where his has surprised me by saying something like 'I was thinking about what you said Emily, ' or 'I was thinking you'd be really good at,' followed by some elaborate plan that lets me know I've been on his mind. I have had to learn that his insistence to do and be more stems from his love for me and not his disapproval. My Dad wants me to reach the fullest extent of my abilities and the only way to do that is to test them. So when he won't stop insisting I go for an MBA or begin my own professional writing company or when he urges Amy to somehow play her trumpet and dance the Spanish solo in the Nutcracker (yep that one is on going) I no longer feel annoyed or chastened but loved. He suggests these things because he sees a potential that is at best hazy in my eyes.
This relationship with my Dad has helped me to understand the way our Heavenly Father loves His children. We were sent here to progress, and therefore the question 'what's next?' is always of the utmost importance. No trial we overcome or faith we prove or accomplish we make is to earn God's love, we always have that. Rather is is because He love us and knows what must happen in order for us to become the best we can. President Uchtdorf describes this beautifully:
"It is good to remember that you are always a child of God. This knowledge will carry you through the most difficult times in your life and will inspire you to accomplish remarkable things. However, it is also important to remember that being a daughter of eternal parents is not a distinction you earned or you will ever lose. You will always and forever remain a daughter of God. Your Heavenly Father has high aspirations for you, but your divine origin alone does not guarantee you a divine inheritance. God sent you here to prepare for a future greater than anything you can imagine."
That is most definitely something to delight in :). Despite my outward complaints, I am forever grateful for my Dad's lectures, the third book of Timothy (did I mention my Dad's name is Tim?.... and there are only two books of Timothy ;)), and a love that has no qualifications; both on Earth and in Heaven.
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