A Long Chain of Golden Flowers

"That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me. But it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course could have been. Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day."
~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

I love it when an author explicitly tells his readers to pause and think. And since this is my pal Charlie we are taking about it, I decided I'd better listen to him.  As I pondered over this idea of forming chains, however, I decided on one point I would like to add: the day of formation is not always memorable. Oftimes our actions are nothing exceedingly drastic or unusual, but rather normal tasks that escalate beyond anything we could have initially supposed. I have come to recognize such an event in my life that had no intended long-term effects, but truly has helped me see the world more clearly, yet love it more deeply.

Almost three years ago, in an effort to increase my summer earnings, I sent out a two or three line email advertising my babysitting services to the neighborhood. My sole intent was pick up a few extra jobs, and I didn't even know if that would happen. Soon enough, I received a call from Emily Hinchey, a niece of a woman in my ward. She wanted me to come and watch her two little girls, Claire (4) and Kate (2). They were living in an apartment near my home while they got their new home ready to move in. I spent many hours that summer trying (usually in vain) to entertain two toddlers in the limited space provided by the apartment.

Now, Claire will soon turn seven and Kate five. New Baby Jack turned one just a month ago (I can't believe that. Weren't Amy and I just trying to come with non-awkward way to ask if she expecting?). The family has been settled in their new house for sometime. So why does all this matter? Why do I think of that email has the formation of a chain of golden flowers?

Every little girl dreams of whom she will marry, of being a mother and caring for a home. Or at least I did. That most cherished dream was confronted with reality as I grew older, and especially as I moved to school. I began to see that truly opposition is in all things. Even our most righteous, purest desires are not immune. I saw the struggles of newly-married-starving-students living in a two room apartment with only ramen in the cupboard.  My friend's baby died completely unexpectedly following birth. My neighbor's child was born with a rare genetic disease with little information available. I saw marriages crumble over what I thought were stupid things. People I never imagined were losing their testimonies and hating on the church. Bad relationships, rushed relationships and even abusive relationships seemed to be everywhere. I began, for the first time, to have very real fears about family formation and happy marriages.

But the Hinchey's unconscious example gave comfort to my troubled skies. Here was a family not outwardly extraordinary in any way; they live a comfortable, happy, but not necessarily glamorous life. I have watched as they've slowly added furniture and décor to their home, nothing elaborate or expensive, but always clean and classy. I have been privileged to watched their children grow and develop personalities. To love Claire despite her endless sass and easily excitable temper. To let the stream of unwanted potty words out of Kate's mouth make me love her more. To watch helplessly as little Jack seems to grow noticeably between each of my visits. 

I have observed the way Emily and Bruce are a team in this parenting endeavor. Both are completely invested in raising good, helpful children. One night, the couple went to out to a chic-flick and came back late after the kids were already asleep. We made fun of and laughed for quite some time over the movie. That night I saw in Bruce and Emily young lovers who have grown up over the years, but have grown up together. Their love story may not ever make the movie-screens or magazines, but it is so real and enduring. Here is the kind of 'real-life', motivating love we should all be chasing.

Looking back over my chain of experiences with the Hinchey family, I guess what've I discovered Charlie, is a real change in myself and my expectations. Their example of a humble family striving to do their very best has touched me and, I feel, my future family. They showed me version of 'real-life' that is not something my Barbies ever acted out, but is so much better and so, so worth fighting for. The Hincheys may not have a three story mansion, swimming pool, and two BMWs in the garage, but they work hard to give their kids everything they actually need in life. I love the way Emily fosters good eating habits by always having fruits and veggies in the house. I love seeing the remains of an FHE activity on the floor Tuesday morning. I love the little love notes I find in the girls' rooms. There may still be clouds and gloom in my sky, but when I focus on the light cast by people like the Hincheys, I hardly even notice.