Zit Talk

At my house, all long-term residents are keenly, and repeatedly, made aware of my 'no zit talk' policy. Whatever my people need to talk over I will gladly listen--except skin care. Anytime a family member begins to complain, I throw my hands up in the air and make them stop. I don't what to hear about whatever just went down in front of the bathroom mirror, and you had better have cleaned off any shrapnel. If you want to relive any gory details, make sure Emily is out, way out, of the vicinity first. That is the policy I have worked to establish in a house of four teenagers. And its worked, mostly. But today I feel impressed to share my painful, both emotionally and physically, struggle against acne. I know this alignment is virtually nothing to the pain hundreds of people endure daily, but it can be super detrimental on a 13-year-olds self esteem. And for those of you who enjoyed clear skin in high school, read on, I hope to weave a universal principle of life into this one time episode of 'zit talk.' *shudders*

Here are the words from President Uchtdorf that got me thinking about this:

"In this [Charlie and the Chocolate Factory] classic children's story, people all over the world desperately yearn to find a golden ticket. Some feel that their entire future happiness depends on whether or not a golden ticket falls into their hands. In their anxiousness, people begin to forget the

simple joy they used to find in a candy bar."

I feel in the past few months I have forgotten the joy that comes from a candy bar, or in my case clear skin. I finally found my golden ticket only to realize it has lost its shiny luster because I shoved it crinkled in the junk drawer in my search for the next one.

I had rashes on my face from the time I was three years old. They came and went, not that I cared when I was that little. Sometime around the age of ten I got red, fiery bumps around my mouth that had to be taken care of through prescription pills twice a day. From then on it was a roller coaster of dermatologist visits and more varieties of creams and pills than I can even remember. But nothing worked for long. The zits and rashes would subside temporarily only to flare back up as my body adjusted to the medication. I cleaned my face a bit obsessively and watched in vain for correlation between certain foods and break-outs. Nothing lasted. 

And I hated it.

The sores were deep and long-lasting even with treatment. They covered my face and down my neck and shoulders. This was especially embarrassing during ballet classes. During the school year I would spend 20-30 minutes each morning vainly working to cover myself with make-up. But that often just irritated my skin further and made everything pulse and ache. It seemed to take so long to be sure nothing was bleeding or especially gross. I honestly felt I had to put in that time or feel bad for everyone who had to talk to me that day. And let's face it, (pun most definitely intended) we all have a certain mental image of the type of kids that have acne. Lazy, weak, greasy, pale and sits alone eating pizza drenched in ranch everyday for lunch etc. But I didn't, or at least didn't want to, see myself like that! I loved exercise, pretty things, making friends and being outside. In my mind, if I could just get rid of this stupid flaw, I could stop worrying about my appearance forever.

With all that said, I don't remember a time when my self-esteem was completely shattered over my complexion. Sure, there were times a few deep breaths in the bathroom stall were necessary before venturing back out, but overall it didn't hold me back. I had my family and the perspective of the gospel that helped me remember that this problem was only skin deep (pun most definitely intended again). This had nothing to do with the happy, bubbly teenager I really was. But no amount of positive thinking stopped painful outbreaks and the occasion tear of frustration. During those years I couldn't image a day where there wouldn't be red spots all over. But, I knew that if they ever did go away, I would be happy forever. ;)

It wasn't until the end of my fist semester of college that things began looking up. I had been on a low-dose of Accutane for almost six months at that point. At the beginning of the medication, everything was waayyy worse. This was to be expected with Accutane, but it was still awful. And not something I had planned on worrying about in college. ('planned worries'?? hmm, we'll talk on that one later.) Now, I've all but stopped stressing out over my skin. It is most obviously not flawless, but really so, so much better. What a luxury it is to wake up and not have to spend 20 minutes getting my face ready to face (okay, done with puns) the day!

But guess what? A perfect life didn't rush in as the zits faded out. I know big surprise ;) Way too soon, I moved on to my next 'golden ticket.' Bright white teeth, thicker hair, thinner legs, eyebrows, (haha blonde probs.) and blah, blah, blah. My insecure seventh grade self had gotten what she had plead for so desperately, but it wasn't enough. It was the harsh realization of my ungrateful, vain and idiotic attitude that helped me to stop waiting on happiness. Here's how President Uchtdorf pens it:

"The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in the pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy."

Do you see what a valuable lesson those annoying little zits tried to teach me? Waiting to be happy is such a futile waste of time. Thoughts of, 'Oh once I...' or 'When this over I'll.,.' or even 'I can't wait until...' will stay with you forever if you let them.

Now, please don't think I pride myself on being immune to this trap. I've discovered much bigger issues in this world than bad skin to stress over. Waiting on love, careers, children, financial stability--all are real problems we all face. But I believe we can find reasons to be happy now. And really, what other choice do we have? Here's President Uchtdorf one more time,

"Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don't close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day's ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life."

Like these beautiful forget-me-nots.

Okay, zit talk over.