Surviving a Singles Ward 101

Before leaving for school, I received a lot of advice on how to handle things. Parents, extended family, friends, religious leaders; each wanted to pipe in one last helpful tidbit. To be frank, most that advice went in one ear and out the other. But one admonition, however, must have gotten caught on its way through, because it really shaped my first experience in a young single adult ward. Here's how it started: On one of the last Sundays of the summer, the Stake Presidency held a fireside with just the graduating laurels. It was a comfortable question and answer session with the Stake President and his two counselors. I can remember a warm, spirit-filled evening with lots of laughs and a giant stack of chocolate cupcakes. Flanked on either side by my childhood best friends, I soaked up the loving words of encouragement and caution offered by these inspired leaders. While I am sure I didn't grasp the full importance of the statement at time, a comment made by one of the counselors lodged in my mind. He said something like, "Everyone in your new ward is going to feel awkward, nervous and awkward. But you just jump right in and get involved."  

And that is what I tried to do! My first few Sunday's I think I smiled and introduced myself to just about everyone in the ward. I made an effort to talk to new people at every weekday activity we had. But very quickly my enthusiasm for socializing began to wane. It just didn't feel like anybody cared that I remembered their name or said 'hi' at church.I joked with my mom that I needed to carry around a 'Friends Wanted' sign in hopes of attracting someone who actually wanted a new friend. Eventually I began to dread FHE and the range of insecurities that seem to surface under the pressure of talking to (aka impressing) my peers. I felt it would be much easier to just quietly hibernate in my dorm room and snarl at any attempt to get me out. But a verse from the Book of Mormon that had pricked my heart at some time in the past always over won the temptation to skip a meeting:

Jacob 2: 17 tells us, "Think of your brethren like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all and free with your substance, that they may be rich like unto you." (emphasis added)

Let me try to explain why this scripture is so important to me. First we must reveal my love of looking up word definitions. Yes I just said that. But really, try it! Look up simple words you think you know the meaning of and I promise it will change your scripture study. Just as proof I actually do this, here are a few words whose true definitions have greatly enriched my learning on more than one occasion: astonished, crown, persuade, effectual, nothingness, firm, sober, penitent, utterly, spurn, search. Okay I'll stop. But please start googling word definitions; your phone is never far away anyway ;)

Back to why those experiencing a singles ward need to understand Jacob 2:17. The key here is in the definition of the word familiar. Now, I'm not talking about when you are at a family reunion and you promise your grandma that every old person there looks at least 'familiar'. No, I mean the dictionary definition of the word as I believe the prophet Jacob meant it. 

Familiar: "Well known from close association with."

Did you catch that? We need to know our brethren from close association with them! Not just passing their face in the hallway and thinking they look familiar. It is only through this pattern will we be able to best serve our friends that they may become 'rich like unto you.' A testimony from a trusted friend holds much greater significance than that of an acquaintance. An aching heart needs hands who know what balm will soothe it. No one will cry on the shoulder of a stranger.  In short, to love our neighbor we must know our neighbor. 

May I take this one step further and apply it to the baptismal covenant?  In Mosiah 18:9 we learn that we must be 'willing to mourn with those that mourn' and 'comfort those that stand in need of comfort'. How can we attempt to offer comfort to a heart we have not known? In order to truly mourn with someone I feel we must do all we can to understand their pain and then we can help to bear it. A doctor does not prescribe treatment until after he has examined the patient and identifies the problem.  If we wait until the exact moment of disaster or falter of faith to extend a hand we may be too late.  

So go to FHE, and church, and the evening devotional, and the Relief Society activity, and the cleaning assignment, and the dance and the linger longer (gasp for breath here), because really this isn't about you. Now its true, this did result in some unsought for dates (the line between being friendly and being flirty is dangerously vague people), and not everyone wanted to be my friend, but was that really worth the risk of missing that someone who needed help? I didn't think so :)