Highway Watching

Journal Entry

March 3, 2016

Morning.

Hot.

Tired.

Beautiful.

I sit by the window and watch for a while.The cars speed by and the people walk.

And I watch.

I long sometimes to be in those cars. Either direction is fine. Just to be going somewhere.

But today, I watch.

This place it never sleeps along it tracks they ever plow.

Will it one day come to rest? No one moving, everyone were they want or are meant to be.

Maybe.

I will watch and see.

Today my doings are normal. Go to class, do homework, socialize, eat.

But these days nothing feels normal. I know not who I am anymore, I don't think I ever did

But I will watch.

Maybe I will see her; in a conversation, a book, the sky, my room, maybe I will see her.

Just a glimpse of the peace she carried or the idea of who she will be.

Because for now I have neither.

But I will watch.

She cannot lie dormant for much longer. Decisions must be made, people must be pleased and she must be the one to do it.

The days are shortly gone of pushing worries on tomorrow.

Her day is nearly here, but still she pushes thoughts muddled and unclear

Back where you can only sense them. 

Hidden behind assignments, and movies and friends and every other meaningless busy.

It is so easy not to think and that is what she prefers to do.

But still I watch.

She must burst forth soon with confidence and faith, and beauty that I now surely lack.

Everything I wish I had to carry me on the way she is holding and hiding but soon. 

But soon.

She must let it go. Soon.

I will not miss it when she does.

For I will watch.

Please, don't let me miss it.