Sabbath Delights: Weekday thoughts

I hope you have realized how much I love the Sabbath day by now. If not, let me give you another reason. On Sunday, at least for me, the thoughts (good and bad) and impressions I had during the week always seem to come together and their higher purpose illuminated. I am able to look back on experiences and better see them for what they were. Things that I deemed insignificant reveal their importance. I testify of dear President Packer's words: "There is a process by which pure intelligence can flow, by which we can come to know of a surety, nothing doubting." I feel I have experienced, at least in small part, that flow of pure of intelligence. And I have found it to be the most desirable experience of my life.

Today I was reminded of a fleeting thought I had in the Logan Temple on Saturday. It was special at the time, but became even more so as I pondered over it today. Saturday morning brought a 5:30 AM wake up call to go to the temple with my roommate Chrystal and two of her friends. It was a beautiful morning, and miraculously I didn't feel the least bit tired. As a matter of fact, I was filled with happiness the second my confused brain could wake up and remember why I was getting up before the sun. In the dressing room of the baptistery, there was this sweet, elderly temple worker sitting in a chair in the corner. I'm not sure what her actual assignment was; she seemed to just sit and smile and offer direction when needed. As I walked past her, I felt a lot of love wrap around my heart. Here was a humble, covenant-keeping woman serving simply as she had been asked to, in a small corner of the Logan, Utah temple. She was not addressing a large crowd, or planning a large event, or even orchestrating that baptistery. This sweet lady was sitting, smiling and offering pure service, in a locker room. The Spirit whispered to me that her sacrifice was just as appreciated, accepted and honored by the Savior than any other more noticeable calling. Service to the Lord is service. Visibility does not equal value. :) 

"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God" ~Mosiah 2:17

You never know what you'll learn at the temple eh?

My Mission Call

A half an hour before midnight on August 31, 1997, I was brought into this world.

Oooo dramatic ;) But really, the timing of my birth has proved to be significant on occasion. With such a late summer birthday, I was nearly always the youngest in my class. I only noticed the gap on special years like 8, 12 and 16. But I didn't anticipate how the gap would widen when it came time for missions. There are several sisters from my class that will come home just a few months after I leave! And most of the boys later this next semester. That makes it feel huge. Buy hey, everyone will be back for my homecoming right? :)

When a member chooses to serve a mission, they are interviewed by their local church leaders, fill out a thorough online application and submit it to the First Presidency of the Church. Culture has dubbed this process 'the mission papers.' Then two or three weeks later the potential missionary will receive a large white envelope in the mail. Inside that envelope is a letter from the office of the Presidency assigning that missionary to one of the 300-plus missions. There is no requesting a specific area of service, rather, each call is assigned by a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. I offer my personal testimony that mission calls come from God through His servants. To read more on the assigning process read this beautiful talk from Elder Rasband: The Divine Call of a Missionary.

Receiving a mission call is a very sacred, powerful experience in a young person's life. Many choose to invite friends and family over to their home to share in the excitement of opening the envelope. Some people even turn it into a full blown party with food and decorations. Throughout my senior year and the following summer, I attended many of these what we call 'openings.' It is so fun to watch the missionaries faces' light up as they read where they have been assigned to serve.

But it is a different experience entirely when the call has your name on it. Here is my 'call story'.

I decided to have my call sent to my home, rather than my college dorm. My Stake President submitted my application on Sunday September 11. I wasn't too nervous the following week, knowing there was no way it would come that week. The next, though, I was checking my phone constantly waiting for that special text Here's a little sample of what went on between 12 and 2 everyday haha:

By third week, I wasn't feeling as nervous oddly enough. Whenever people would ask me where I wanted to go, I would reply by saying I didn't care, I just wanted to know where!

The week my call did come was a rough one. I was physically exhausted, which has a tendency to make me emotionally exhausted as well. There just seemed to be so much negativity, darkness, and doubt shoved into my hands that week and I was having a hard time putting it down. Thursday mornings I have a literary analysis class. I love it, but our discussions can sometimes be disheartening as people express their disbelief in God and religion. Usually I look forward to and find these discussion engaging, but that day(September 30th) I just felt overwhelming and flustered. How could I help these wonderful people see the reality of heavenly guidance in their life? I walked out of the English building beaten down and frankly just ready to find a tree to cry behind. I didn't have time to, however, and marched to the Institute for my mission preparation class haha :)

And of course, on the day that I needed a boost the most, this text arrived:

Now there was no way I could not cry! I sniffled my way all through mission prep. I could not go home and open in that day, because I had an important test the next morning. But alll dayyy long I kept staring at that while envelope with MY name on it. My test went well, then Jess and I headed for home at about 4 o'clock. We made a little video along the way to send to Golda: (and no I didn't realize it was upside down haha)

We got home around 5:15. Jess dropped me off and then left to go to a theater thing. I walked in my house and Austin handed me my call.

 I just hugged it and wouldn't let anyone touch it haha! I had to wait another half hour for everyone to come home, because I wanted my whole family to be there. I decided not to have a large 'opening' party--I wanted this to be a special day just with my immediate family. We all gathered in the living room and I asked my dad to say a prayer before we got started. I then proceed to struggle to get that envelope open! Seriously it was closed up tight haha. While I worked on it, my family called out their guesses. I didn't feel nervous at all until I could I got the envelope open enough to see the call letter. Not even my assignment, just the call itself sent my heart racing like crazy. I was about to read where the Lord would have me serve His children for 18 months. The enormity of the moment hit me like tsunami.

In the weeks leading up to my call, I prayed everyday to be spiritual ready to receive my call. I desired a spiritual confirmation that this was the place Heavenly Father had called me to. When I read out 'Virginia Richmond Mission', I was frankly really surprised. I had never considered Virginia! I had, for a plethora of reasons I won't go into, convinced myself that I was going to have to learn a foreign language. I really believed that. The idea of foreign speaking scared me, but I convinced myself that I was ready to do it. So yeah, a Stateside English-speaking language really surprised, I might even say shocked, me. But the Spirit whispered the words of Isaiah 55:9 to my heart:

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

That spiritual confirmation I had prayed did come, just not as immediately as I thought. It took some time for me to get off my high horse. As I watched General Conference over the next two days, however, my re-occurring thought was this: I don't want to go anywhere but Richmond, Virginia!!! Heavenly Father has called me there and His ways are perfect! Why would I wish for anything else!

Those feelings still very much remain, but sometimes they get shadowed by fear and doubt. But I found scripture from the Doctrine and Covenants to be my savior:

Look unto me in every thought, not to Virginia's humidity, not to my imperfections, not to the nonbelievers, not to how long 18 months may seem, but unto Him. Then that last line comes naturally. Doubts and fears fade away when you stop thinking about them :) 

Thank you for all your support. I love Richmond, Virginia and can't wait to be a sister missionary for Christ's restored church.

Sabbath Delights: Then it's easy.

Our home kitchen table is a generous host. It graciously welcomes paint stains, nail polish remover (sorry mom), messy spaghetti dinners, melted wax from birthday cakes, and all without a single complaint. It has also served as a backdrop to countless math study sessions. Nearly every evening in high school our kitchen table provided me a place to sprawl out all of my textbooks and crumpled papers. A busy dance schedule meant I usually didn't begin homework until nine p.m. or later. But no matter how late I struggled through math questions, my Dad always sat right next to me. Willing and anxious to help. Without a single complaint. 

Thanks to my brilliant father, I sure memorized a lot of equations, formulas and theories at that kitchen table. But to be perfectly honest, I don't remember hardly any of them ('hardly' is a bit generous...). There some lessons from those study session, however, I that I don't think I'll ever forget. One instance in particular has been flashing in my mind the past few days. 

One night, in my frustration over some math concept, I yelled out, "Dad this is too hard! I can't do it!" My Dad, in his ever mild-tempered manner, just said, "Emily, it is only hard until you understand. Then it's easy." I just kinda went, 'Oh duh.' Once I could understand the equations then all the problems became easy. 

Want to know why that conversation has stuck with me? Me too :) Lately, I think it's because his advice doesn't just apply to math problems. The application can be much more difficult, but it's still true. 

Brigham Young, second president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, once said:

"Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation.

'Necessary'--that is a bold statement. But I also find it immensely comforting. Believing that all the unfair, painful and frustrating things are in actuality preparing us for salvation is precious. God doesn't give us hardship without divine reasoning. He wants to mold us into the best, highest, happiest versions of ourselves. Some things we may understand now, and some not until the next life, but it will all make sense someday. In the meantime we can find peace. My Dad's method for math homework is helpful in that regard: find the right equation (prayerfully try and see how this may refine you), then plug and chug the numbers (endure with hope) until you reach an answer.

good night friends :)

Sabbath Delights: There is always a fresh page.

Sweet peace. That is what filled my heart during the last hour of Relief Society today. We were discussing the renewal of life that the Savior offers us every week through the sacrament. Flipping through my journal during the lesson and I found this entry that I'd like to share. I testify that the hope I mention is possible because of the sacrifice offered by Jesus Christ.

~August 26, 2016~

Here we are on the last day of summer. It really does feel as if the words are already written on these pages before I get to them. But they are not really. Which pages will be scribbles of barely contained excitement, and which of methodical exploration of thought? Will a tear mar a corner or will ticket stub fill the page? What new names will be introduced, and which will stop appearing? Are there opportunities and changes that I cannot now expect resting between the trees? Probably. Frustrations, joys, boredoms, new ideas, confusion, discovery; all of it awaits is place on a line.

But the joy in all of that comes from hope. Hope that whatever words become appropriate to detail my life, there is always a fresh page with new words. Another day, another change, another realization. The ferocity of my strokes doesn't stay constant for very long. These days keep on surprising me and giving way to prose I never intended. And then at my man-made turning points, I read over the words as they sit in past, unchanging but not without life. They still hold the feeling, the sights, the whole significance of that day. My feelings remain very much alive on the paper. How true was Lewis when he said,

'Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.'

Sabbath Delights: Reaching my reaches

Sacrament meeting may very well be my favorite hour of the week. I really mean that. Today was especially sweet. My reachings were reached, if you know what I mean. The questions, concerns, and problems that had made a home in my head were touched and calmed. The things so far back that I had forgotten that they are not permanent residents, but learning experiences making their way through were hurried along. When our hearts are prepared, the sacrament ordinance has the same feeling of peace as the temple.

That preparation is what I would like to touch on briefly here today. The last speaker in sacrament meeting had some beautiful thoughts on the matter that really spoke true to me. His overall point was this: The Sabbath is a delight when we have revelatory experiences. In order to have revelatory experiences, we need to prepare ourselves spiritually. I can testify to that sincerely. Feeling close to God is the greatest delight you will ever have in your life. Here is small list of ideas for being prepared for Sunday:

•  Don't stay up too late on Saturday, even if you have one o'clock church. Being able to wake up comfortably and having a calm morning is important. Give yourself time to eat a solid breakfast and pray sincerely.
• Think over the week before you get to church. This was something I hadn't though of before. Examine yourself over the past few days and see where you need to pray for forgiveness and strength. Doing this ahead of time will keep you more focused during the meeting.
• Pray, pray, pray. Give your full heart into the prayer given over the pulpit. Be apart of that supplication to Heavenly Father.
• Turn your phone on airplane mode. Yep, do it before you get to church. That way you can still use your scriptures without the distraction of emails and notifications.

I know, that really is short list. But I can testify that if you will ponder over how to be prepared for Sunday you will know what to do. Your reachings can be reached.

Thanks for reading this, consider yourself loved.

Sabbath Delights: He wanted to be.

"It is important to remember that Jesus was capable of sinning, that he could have succumbed, that the plan of life and salvation could have been foiled, but that he remained true. Had there been no possibility of his yielding to the enticement of Satan, there would have been no real test, no genuine victory in the result...He was perfect and sinless, not because he had to be, but rather because he clearly and determinedly wanted to be." ~Howard W. Hunter

This quote was actually first brought to my attention in Institute up at school this week. I loved it. I read it again during sacrament meeting and shared it with my family members. When we speak of the Savior's perfect, sinless life do we remember that it was possible for him to sin? Jesus was not stripped of his agency during his mortal journey. He could have succumbed. But the glorious fact is that he did not. The temptations Jesus overcame were more ferocious and relentless than anything we will ever face. But our older brother did not let us down. I love what President Hunter goes on to say, "We should take strength for this battle from the fact that Christ was victorious not as a God but as a man."

Because that, he knows how to succor us as man. I believe that to be true.

We need birthdays.

I love crazy, overenthusiastic celebration of birthdays. I'd even confidently say that I believe in celebrating birthdays. We need to. Humans are painfully imperfect, and often wait upon occasion to express themselves. Without birthdays, a lot of love would go unshared and words unspoken. I enjoy my friends' and family member's birthdays even more than my own. To think seriously over what would excite and surprise them the most is thrilling. Finding that perfect gift or activity gives you a serious case of the warm fuzzys. We all love people, we just need birthdays to push us into expressing it.

Today happens to be my day of birth. And do you wanna know the best part of today? Not the new dress, or notebook, cake or even ice cream, it was the kind, heartfelt text messages I received steadily throughout the day. It seemed like every time I pulled out my phone there were happy words staring back me. Not many people I was with today knew it was my birthday, but you guys did. Thank you for voicing your love. I felt it. The few moments you took to send me a message added up to make my homework filled day beautiful. I feel inspired to share love more freely and abundantly because of how good I felt today. No matter how good life might be going, or how confident someone may seem, we all need to be told we are loved and have desirable qualities now and again.

My dear Jess wrote me a particularly beautiful message that had my make-up cried off by the end of the first paragraph. Being told you are pretty, or stylish or cute is great and good and I thank you all for it. But when someone pens in thought out prose that you possess the very quailites you desire most to have, it moves something in you. Not to appear vain, but it helps you recognize them in yourself. The little things we dislike within us can easily bury the things we do. Sometimes the only solution is for someone else to dig us out. Thanks Jess.

Thank you everybody. I hope we can speak our love and then speak it again.